Grief & loss are two of those things in our world that does not discriminate. It chooses its victims at random and without warning. Maybe you can relate to some of these scenarios:
Susy lost her husband last week to cancer. They were married 35 years and have 4 wonderful children. She is not sure how to move forward.
Bob’s wife just left him. She was having an affair. He thought they had a great marriage and now isn’t sure what to do.
Tom and Marcia are the proud parents of 3 beautiful children. They were devastated when they recently heard their youngest will struggle with a disability his whole life.
Mark lost his job. It was his identity. He is plagued with the question, “What do I do now?”. The answer does not seem as simply as how to bring in an income; this question reaches to the core of what his purpose in life is.
Chris just found out that she is diabetic. She didn’t want this in her life.
Jack can’t afford to go to college and is struggling to find a job.
Maggie had a miscarriage. She keeps thinking, “This wasn’t supposed to happen to me”.
The dictionary defines loss as, “failure to keep, to have, or get”. Whichever scenario we find ourselves in, we have all experienced loss to one degree or another. Sometimes we minimize our grief because it’s “not as bad” as what someone else is going through. Sometimes we magnify our grief because we couldn’t imagine having to deal with such a shocking blow. Whichever end of the spectrum you find yourself on, here are some tips in dealing with loss:
1. It’s normal. It’s going to happen. Just as saving money for a rainy day is vital to financial management, so is verbally telling ourselves it is ok to be sad and down when we are experiencing a loss-No Matter What Degree of loss.
2. What you choose to do with your loss will define you, not the loss itself. Instead of becoming stuck in pain and hurt because of the loss, do something. Maybe start with going for a walk or write your thoughts and feelings out in a journal. Focusing on one small goal at a time will allow you to reach your destination with confidence.
3. How you choose to see your loss will shape your character. When we choose to work through our pain and sorrow, we are choosing to persevere. Perseverance is not born from how I feel but what I choose to think and do.
There are those times when the grieving seems to be overwhelming and incomprehensible. In these moments, the wisest and bravest seek help from someone to walk the journey of grief with them. Here are some tips to know if it’s time to seek help:
1. You feel stuck in your sadness: Your thoughts are consumed by the sadness and in feeling overwhelmed, so are your daily activities.
2. Your loss is affecting your relationships in a negative way. You are isolating yourself and pulling away from those around you.
3. You feel unable to move forward in life. Life has little meaning now.
You have developed unhealthy ways of dealing with your grief. Drinking too much alcohol, sleeping too little or too much, hurting yourself, constant angry outburst are just a few ways we deal with grief and loss in harmful ways.
While grief is normal and we all experience at some point in our life, unresolved or complicated grief can turn into despair, which leads to hopelessness. While resolving and working through grief can lead to a new strengths and deeper compassion.
If you find yourself reading through this and discover you are able to relate a little too much, then you may want to seek help. AAMFT or Psychology Today are a few places to find a therapist where you live. If, you are living in Indiana, or California, I’d love to chat with you on how therapy can help. You can connect with me at my website (here).
